September 27, 2006
Diary Discovered in an Old Barn
Behind the manager, in what looked like an old box that might once have stored bridles and halters because there was still a slight smell of leather in it after all these years, and a slight medicinal smell (maybe of udder balm but also somewhat like Raleigh’s Black Horse Slave) – in this box was found a log book – or diary – strapped together with leather thongs within shingle-thin wooden bindings. Close examination indicated that the entries were at once so specific, and yet so varied, that they could not possibly have been written by one human individual – and yet the handwriting was the same for every entry! With some reluctance, all who examined the diary concluded that it could only have been written by the barn itself. Following is an exact recounting of a portion of the barn’s diary as it was found:
“MY DIARY – 1897-1961”
1. Animal births – 729 kittens, 528 pigeons, 689 rats, 299 calves (all but 3 of which were Holsteins, the other being Hereford feeder heifers), 667 sparrows, 137 barn swallows, 12 colts (4 of which were Shetland ponies), 18 puppies, 14 Leghorn chicks, 2 weasels
2. Animal deaths – 96 cats, 57 pigeons, 710 rats (500 killed by cats, 60 by dogs, 10 by shotgun, others by traps and rat poison), 33 cows, 210 sparrows, 18 barn swallows (16 from flying into windows), 3 dogs, 0 weasels, 3 skunks (by shotgun), 2 barn owls, 88 starlings, 2 badgers, 6 pigs, 14 chicks, and 1 chicken
3. Human births – 2
4. Human deaths – 1
5. Dog bites – 44
6. Cat scratches (3 involving serious infection) – 144
7. Rat bites – 16
8. Individuals sprayed by skunks – 3
9. Individuals smoking first cigarette – 22
10. Individuals drinking first alcoholic beverage – 22
11. Individuals experiencing first romantic encounters – 22
12. First fights involving two individuals – 9
13. First fights involving more than two individuals – 4
14. Father-daughter arguments – 16
15. Husband-wife arguments – 2
16. Father-grandfather arguments – 38
17. Father-son arguments – 3,189
18. Games of tag – 610
19. Games of hide-and-seek – 350
20. Other games, including basketball on empty haymow floor – 998
21. Broken arms – 2
22. Concussions – 8
23. Private weeping by one individual – 77
24. Private praying by one individual – 16
25. Group revival meeting – 1
Note: The journal had a total of 720 entries, some of them too shocking or private to record on these pages, some of them seemingly insignificant but evidently important enough for the barn to record, for example: “Number of times doors left unlatched to blow mercilessly in the wind – 1,106.” In any event, the editors have decided that some things are too personal to print.
From: “Harker’s Barns – vision of an American icon” , by Harker and Heynen, University of Iowa Press, ISBN 0-87745-834-0
Filed by Administrator at 6:36 pm under c. Barn Preservation - America
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The Napoleon Road was constructed by drawing a line south from the Maumee shore opposite the city of Napoleon and then clearing the trees from it to a distance of twenty paces. Part of the trunks have been pushed to the side; the others remain where they have fallen. There has been no thought of removing the stumps, but here and there the various creeks have been bridged and the knee-deep mudholes filled. So the road is passable for wagons only in dry weather. After a continuing rain it becomes completely bottomless. From a farm, where we stopped at noon, this so called road curved into the forest; from now until approaching darkness we walked through a wilderness in which nothing but the road and the surveyor’s marks on the tree trunks reminded us that it had been frequented by any living beings other than deer and bear. If the road had been a test of patience until now, it became more so with each of the ten remaining miles. The quotations with which Cousin Theodore had earlier consoled himself when, balancing on the edge of a mud puddle, he had lost his equilibrium and had sunk into the morass above his boot tops, now gave way to a selection of the best German oaths when, with a similar gymnastic trick, he fell into the cool mud up to his thighs. I, too, could not restrain myself from a few blasphemies when, in order to avoid a similar undesired mud-bath, I climbed across a fallen oak trunk, and crash! plunged into flying mud and slimy decay up to the chest. So we did gymnastics and stormed on, until we found our good humor again in a repeated falling into a hollow tree, from which an opossum sprang up and away.